The Hope Boxed in the Attic & A Mental Health Break

Today I faced a very sobering thing, boxing up Molly's baby clothes and putting them in the attic. Every adorable garment reminded me of just how tiny she was and how much she has grown. Unfortunately, it is also a reminder that we are not pregnant or expecting another addition anytime soon as I had hoped. Our IUI fertility treatment in August was not successful and we did another IUI after that one (just a few weeks ago), which failed also. Yet, I am trying to constantly remind myself that God's plans are greater and better and higher than my plans... that time and time again He has proven himself trustworthy and to rest in him. 

As I taped boxes closed of adorable dresses, itsy bitsy baby shoes, swaddling blankets, and more, I prayed two prayers. The first that God would work a miracle, so one day I would get to open these back up and use them. The second was "Thank you that I got to experience this at all and I will still trust you even if I never get to experience this again." While Jamie and I are still actively praying and trying for a miracle, we are also done spending money till at least the new year on fertility treatments. We also are trying to recuperate from paying the expenses of the last two IUI's and the shocking bill of having to pay $1,000 for the genetic testing I had done. Thankfully, that testing revealed that I have no genetic abnormalities causing my miscarriages. Right now we actually have decided to focus on spending time together as a family and making memories. 


So with that said, we are really excited that next month Jamie and I are going to take an 8-year anniversary cruise without Molly. I can't even imagine how much we are going to miss her. We are renting our house out for furniture market, and while we are kicked out it corresponds with Jamie's birthday AND our 8-year wedding anniversary. Jamie's mom was willing to watch Molly  and Bryson so we could have a getaway and the house rental almost evenly covers the cost of the cruise, so in my mind it is more of a swap. We really thought long and hard about if this was the right thing to do. But really...when in the world are you going to line up free childcare & doggy care for 5 nights, someone to rent your house to cover your vacation expenses, already have time off of work (my jobs are on fall break & Jamie will have just finished fall busy season), and have a cruise leaving the exact day your vacation starts within driving distance?  This just doesn't happen! Cheers to this much needed mental health break from this crazy fertility journey we are on!