Looking Out Over A Cliff

So here we are two crazy fools standing on the edge of a cliff about to jump into the unknown with very little but the safety net of the Lord to catch us. After our chemical pregnancy in September, we are back and ready to transfer our final two embryos. We really really need your prayers! 

I have done an excellent job of emotionally ignoring the fact that this is really happening...well up until probably this week. Financially this has been a very strange year...one filled with many blessings, but also one filled with WAYYYYY more medical bills than we ever expected. This year, between my gallbladder surgery and our last and our upcoming embryo transfers, we will have spent $11,000 on medical bills (insert big gulp here)!!!

This year we also settled into our new house, needed a new air conditioning unit for the house, AND had several thousand dollars worth of unexpected car repairs (insert another big gulp here). I feel like maybe there could be a line in the Living on a Prayer song by Bon Jovi about us "Jamie works on the taxes all dayyyy...(insert non-descript singing of crazy person) ...cause we gotta hold on to what we got. It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not. We got each other and that a lot for love.....WE'LL GIVE IT A SHOT."

Okay that was fun. You gotta laugh to keep from crying right? Anyways, we are very blessed to have had the money to pay our bills (VERY VERY BLESSED), but at this point I feel like we are standing looking over the cliff without a financial safety net anymore and just praying for God to get us through and give us more babies. I hope that this doesn't sound like complaining, but it is a very real part of our story right now.

In October, I went in for an endometrial biopsy, which is this super fun procedure (just kidding) were they basically scrape around the inside of your uterus with a straw. Yeah...I know gross. Thankfully, my results came back normal, which means that my uterus isn't attacking our embryos (yay!). The procedure also spurs on new uterine lining that increases chances of our next embryos implanting .

On Monday, of this week I went in for an ultrasound to make sure that my body is ready for the transfer and everything looked good (another yay!). I brought Molly with me this time and she made a friend in the waiting room, which was so cute! See the snapshot that I caught of the two of them hugging.

As I mentioned I have done a really great job of practically ignoring the scary cliff up ahead. Then several things this week just caused me to really wake up...one of which was our bank account, or lack thereof, and the second is just thinking about twins. If money wasn't a factor, I probably would transfer only one embryo at a time, but at this point it is a factor and the doctor recommended we transfer both of our last embryos, so that is what we are doing. There are lots of exciting things about twins, but I just feel extra nervous because we miscarried Molly's twin and I think I am more aware of the complications that can happen with twins.

This brings me to prayer...we really need your prayers! Prayers that this will work! Prayers that God will provide for us through the next few very lean months. Prayers that we will not just get pregnant, but that God would bless us with a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child or children.

So thankful to have such a wonderful community of friends, a blog where I can share our struggles, a church that loves on us, and an amazing God who is knitting together the next chapter of our family's infertility story.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,..." - Ephesians 3:20

Our First Frozen Embryo Transfer

Whew! What a month it has been. This month Jamie and I had our frozen embryos shipped to the new practice and we had our first frozen embryo transfer. It has been a month filled with lots of different emotions as we first found out we were pregnant, but very soon after had a very early miscarriage (also called a chemical pregnancy).

On 9/14/16 we transferred 2 of our little frozen embryo babies back to live in their mama. There is a lot of significance with this date. On 9/14/14 we had Molly and her sibling in heaven, Riley, transferred back into my body. Exactly, a 2 year difference in transfers! It wasn't something that we really planned out, but as we were looking back through Molly's embryo photos from the blog we realized the date and thought if we get pregnant they would have the exact same due date as Molly's.

We were super nervous about the thawing process and wondered if both would survive being thawed out. These were our weakest 2 embryos that had been frozen together in one vial. Thankfully, both survived the thaw and showed that they were growing. Below is a picture of our little embryo babies!

The transfer was quick and pretty painless. I remember I was suppose to arrive with a full bladder so they could have better images through a sonogram of where to drop my kiddos off, but I ended up having to do pee dances in the patient room waiting on the drs and eventually begged the nurse in the hall to let me pee "just a little bit." If you have ever tried to stop mid-pee...well let's just say it is not natural, but I managed. They gave us our first sonogram photo of the babies in my uterus. 

They also gave us the vial where both of our embryo babies have been stored for exactly 2 years. Can you believe it is this small?

Our transfer was on a Wednesday and Saturday afternoon (3 days past our transfer), I got a positive pregnancy test! I was shocked! Last time I planned this grand elaborate pregnancy reveal to my Jamie, but I knew that I couldn't keep it in this time because he was home and every second of me not telling him felt like I was lying. So I wrote a card to him letting him know we were pregnant and secretly booked a babysitter so I could surprise him with a date night out to celebrate. As he read the card, he was shocked that we knew this soon. I showed him the test and he agreed that it was faint but positive. We kissed Molly goodnight and dashed off for a celebratory date!  

The next morning, I took another test expecting it to be darker, but it wasn't. This worried me a lot, but that afternoon I took another test and I felt like the line was getting darker so that put me at ease. We began sharing with friends over the next few days our wonderful news. I remember distinctly feeling nauseous, having an increased sensation in smells, and feeling very very tired....you know the soaking your pillow with drool kind of tired. Over the next couple of days my tests got darker, but then I couldn't tell anymore. Were my positive lines fading away? In the back of my mind I had this nagging feeling that we better hurry up and celebrate this pregnancy before it's over with.

Unfortunately, that is what happened. I went in for bloodwork, which confirmed that I was pregnant, but my hcg level by that point was only 8. Ideally, they would like it to be between 25 and 100 for the first draw at 4 weeks pregnant. I was told to prepare to lose the baby very early, but that we would know more after another bloodtest. My prayer was that God would protect us from leading us weeks through a pregnancy that would only end in a miscarriage anyway. He answered that prayer. A few days later my bloodtest results showed an hcg level of 0. Often this is called a chemical pregnancy or very early miscarriage.

It sounds strange to say, but I was really thankful that we got to celebrate with people and tell them we were pregnant. A lot of people wouldn't even share information like this with close friends, let alone the world through a blog, but some wise friend once told me "Whoever you would share your sadness of miscarriage with - share your joy of pregnancy with." I have always held onto that. There were more people we wanted to share the news with early, but never got the chance to.

Thinking back on this whole frozen embryo transfer I was kind of floating above a lot of emotional pain - resting in the worldly security that we have more embryos and it wasn't the end of our story. After talking with my doctor today, she suggests we take a month off, pursue an endometrial biopsy & scratch to make sure my uterus is a healthy environment, and then go for one more transfer with our last two embryos. This means our safety net is going away. What if this last transfer doesn't work either? This could potentially be our last chance to have more children of our own, which terrifies me. Jamie and I are asking ourselves if we should really use both at one time.

While thinking about this today, I was prayerfully brought back into a place of repentance. I have been so focused on what I want and how I want to build our family instead of seeking how God wants to build our family. We feel strongly that we need to pursue putting back the rest of our embryos, but there is the possibility that we might not get pregnant. Maybe Molly is the first and last biological child we have and God wants to lead us down other avenues, like adoption. I have to admit that right now that deeply hurts to write. Emotionally, I am not ready to face that yet. My hope and prayer is still that God would bless us with more biological children before we consider if adopting is right for us. For now we would love your prayers that God would bless us with a healthy pregnancy and child (or children) from our upcoming and possibly last frozen embryo transfer.

This has been the song in my head all day and it seems to perfectly fit my feelings today. 

"In the eye of the storm, You remain in control
In the middle of the war, You guard my soul
You alone are the anchor, when my sails are torn
Your love surrounds me, in the eye of the storm

When my hopes and dreams are far from me, and I’m running out of faith
I see the future I pictured slowly fade away
And when the tears of pain and heartache are pouring down my face
I find my peace in Jesus' name"

-Ryan Stevenson
"Eye of the Storm" 
https://youtu.be/-sx8wTnnfSc

The Next Chapter in our Story

Hey guys! It has been way too long since I blogged last time. Wanna come join us on our next fertility road trip? Cause guess what? Here we go again! Join in on all the fun, wacky, stressful, and embarrassing details as we gear up for a frozen embryo transfer this fall. Some of you may recall that through IVF we were blessed with our daughter Molly Joy, another baby we will one day get to meet in heaven, and 4 beautiful frozen embryos. This process has already had tons of twists and turns!

A little back story...in December our family bought and moved into a new house where we hope to raise our family and build many wonderful memories. Our original plan, was to do a frozen embryo transfer in January or February of this year, but Jamie and I both had bronchitis for 6 weeks. Ugh...it was pretty rough. Between being sick, moving in less than a week before Christmas, holiday traveling and hosting family for New Years, trying to get settled into a new house, and taking care of Molly - we put our plans on hold. Clearly, it was not the right timing. So as the year went by we decided that I would pour my energy into making our new house a home. It has been a fun challenge! I really have enjoyed getting us settled in. Every room is not completely finished, but it doesn't drive me crazy like it use to.

One cool thing about our new house is that it is only 1/2 mile or so away from our fertility doctor's office where our little frozen babies are being stored. Every time I drive by the office, I wave to them and tell them I love them. Sometimes I tell Molly, "Wave hi to your siblings!" Does that make me a weirdo? Eh ...ok well just blame it on the baby fever. 

Then we were going to do a transfer in August, but I ended up needing emergency gallbladder surgery in July and again we realized it clear that we needed just a little bit more time for me to recuperate from surgery. But thankfully, the ball is now rolling and we are super stoked to try to get pregnant again this fall.

This time has been less stressful than IVF in some areas and more stressful in other areas. A few weeks ago I went into our fertility doctor's office to get images of my uterus to make sure everything is okay to have a healthy pregnancy. Thankfully, my test and the images were clear, but we learned some shocking news. 

Our fertility office is closing...forever!!! The practice is owned by a huge company and that huge corporation decided to close down this particular practice. Not only that, but my doctor said he couldn't do a transfer until he is settled at his new practice...3 months after our original planned month. Ummm....WHAT? I was definitely stressed and upset. Thankfully, I learned that there is another doctor at his new practice that they suggested I meet with to see if she would be willing to do our frozen embryo transfer for us. 

After learning about the closing there were many unanswered questions like... will this new doctor even be willing to take me on so last minute (later we found out yes), where are our embryos going, when are they being shipped, what type of shipping is used to ensure their safety, what if the vehicle transporting the embryos is in an accident, when can our old lab ship the embryos and when can the new lab receive them....this is just the tip of all the questions that have taken weeks to get sorted out. 

We quickly learned that the cost to ship them was going to cost us several hundred dollars more ON TOP OF the already $3,100 that it takes to even do a frozen embryo transfer. At this point, I think both practices are working together to try to cut this cost down to something MUCH MUCH more reasonable and still have our embryos transferred in a manner that is just as safe. Fingers crossed. 

One thing I am super excited about with this frozen embryo transfer is NO SHOTS and NO EGG RETRIEVAL SURGERY! Alleluia! In fact, here is a picture of the fertility meds that I received for my transfer a few days ago. 

Common Questions
So what is an embryo and how many do we plan to transfer out of the 4 we have? Our embryos are my eggs already mixed with Jamie's sperm (getting squirmy yet?). Our goal is to put back 1 or 2. There are 3 vials. Two vials have one strong embryo in them each and then one vial has 2 weaker embryos frozen together. To anyone going through IVF, share this one tip with them - tell the doctor/embryologist not to freeze any embryos together. This was something that never even entered my mind during IVF and of all the hundreds of fertility blogs I read, no one ever said anything about this and it has worried me a lot. Once a vial with 2 or more has been thawed, they either have to be used or discarded (which we don't feel comfortable with). So two big reasons we are using the weaker embryos first is (A) if we are going to get surprised with twins I would rather have that be now and not a surprise at the end of using our embryos and (B) because they are weaker if they do result in a loss I would rather have that be now than during our last frozen embryo transfer. I know that despite all my best planning, God is going to build our family in the beautiful way he has designed for us, but given the information we have we are trying to make the best decisions possible. So long story short, we will put back whatever embryos survive the thaw from the vial with two. In the end though we will use all of our embryos at some point. However, if in 6 years you are wondering why we didn't have Molly plus 4 more babies it is because not embryo becomes a pregnancy. 

What are your chances of getting pregnant? We should have between a 45% to 55% chance of getting preggo for each frozen embryo transfer. My mind is already racing with what this will mean. It could be anything ranging from a negative pregnancy test to a positive pregnancy test, could each embryo split and we end up with quintuplets (it HAS happened before), a miscarriage of 1 or 2 babies or a beautiful birth, or so many other things. The one thing I am holding onto through this time of uncertainty is that God is faithful. He sees our family as it is suppose to be and any baby(ies) we conceive through this - He already knows their every detail.

I would love some prayers for peace during this time. Peace for what will happen and peace about the financial side of this fertility treatment. Going through a frozen embryo transfer is an expensive procedure. It definitely is not as expensive as IVF was, but still expensive. I do get worried because the hospital bills from my gallbladder surgery are coming in, we are replacing our broken air conditioning system in our house, AND moving forward with trying to expand our family. Thankfully, I have a husband who reminds me that true security does not come from a savings account, but from Jesus Christ. He also reminds me of all the ways God has provided for us in the past.

Often I ask myself, does anyone even care about this part of our story, but then I am reminded how much reading other's blog stories helped me during times of uncertainty...THAT and I really want God to get all the glory in the story of how he builds our family.  

Having Molly join our family has been amazing. She is 15 months old now and just brings so much Joy into our lives! We hope next year we can bring her home a sibling (or maybe two). 

The Birth Story of Molly Joy Reynolds

One thing I have found so fun to read over the last 9 months is birth stories. Each one is so dramatically different and the exciting thing about waiting for labor is you never know what you're gonna get. Molly's entrance into this world is not at all what I expected.

On Saturday night/Sunday morning at midnight Jamie and I were just getting ready to go to bed. As we were literally crawling towards our pillows, my first contraction hit. When you are a first time mom you expect to be laboring at home for quite a while...I was thinking it might be at least 7 hours at home before I had the necessary contractions that were about 5 minutes apart to be admitted into labor and delivery. I had lot of Braxton Hicks contractions that never went anywhere for several weeks, so we began the waiting to see if these would continue and not just vanish. My first 3 or 4 contractions were already 5 to 7 minutes apart though and I decided during that time I was going to take a bath.

By 12:30 the contractions had moved to 3 minutes apart and my water broke...not in a gush, but definitely started leaking. That is when I told Jamie, okay this is really happening we need to start getting ready to go to the hospital and "this is happening really fast." So Jamie began running around the house trying to get everything taken care of. He was getting our dog Bryson ready to be shipped out in the backyard for the night, wrapping up work e-mails, and pulling together the last minute list of things we needed to pack that couldn't be packed earlier (phone chargers, medicines, etc...). Thank God I had posted this list above our already packed bags, because there is no way I would have been of sound mind to communicate these things to him. I, on the other hand, made friends with our toilet as I had (er...how do I say this) stomach issues and simultaneously started vomiting all over the bathroom floor. Beautiful...I know!

Jamie came in and cleaned up, as I got back into the tub to labor. My contractions by 1am consistently were 1 minute and 30 seconds apart and consistently lasted at least a minute...wow! Crazy. At that point, I was like "Okay...we have got to leave for the hospital NOW." From everything I read, contractions that close together meant transition, which is the last stage of labor before pushing. Yet, I didn't really think I was in transition. Jamie packed up the car as I put clothes on in between contractions.

As we left the house, Jamie asks "should we call the hospital and tell them that we are coming?" My response was "Ummm no. By the time I call them we will already be there." Thankfully, the hospital is only a 10 minute drive from our house. As I sat down to check in while Jamie parked the car, I was leaking water ALL over their chairs and apologizing to the check-in lady profusely. Around this time I remember my contractions stayed about the same in length, but increased 10-fold in intensity. My back was in tons of pain...aka "back labor". In triage a nurse was trying to ask me questions, but Jamie was having to answer all of them bc I couldn't speak. We were only there for about 3 to 5 minutes before another nurse asked about my water breaking. With no shame, I just pulled my pants down to show her the situation. She said "Okayyyy! Let's go get you a labor room." This still makes me chuckle.

Speed forward and we are in the room and I got a check to see how far along I was....only at 1.5/2cm dilated! What? I was almost that at my dr.'s appointment on Tuesday? Then began the waiting on my epidural. For anyone who has had back labor...I am so sorry. It was so dramatically different than the contractions I was having at home. I was pressing my head against the wall while Jamie massaged my back and the next day I had a bruise on my forehead because I guess without realizing it, I was pressing so hard. I remember during those contractions feeling at the end of my rope.

At about 2:30am I got the epidural. Oh that sweet sweet juice! Ahhhhh...such a sigh of relief. There is nothing about getting the epidural that I regret at all. It was the perfect decision for me. After that I felt like I could be more present in the moment and it started setting in that Jamie and I were going to have a baby. We could then hold a conversation and kept saying "Oh my gosh! We are going to have a baby today. She is really going to be here soon."

At my next check at 3:30ish, I had progressed to 3cm. Around that time we decided we better get a little rest because it was going to be a long day. Jamie slept and I...well rested at least. All night I had this amazing nurse, Lauren, who took such good care of me. Because the epidural would wear off on one side or another, she kept helping me turn to one side or another so I could remain comfortable. Her and I had some good conversations while Jamie was knocked out. I asked her if Molly had hair, since she did my last check and she said yes. That made me really excited! I also asked her when she thought we would have her...to which she replied "I think you'll have her this afternoon."

At 8am there was a shift change and I had to say goodbye to Lauren (major frowny face here), but she said she had another night shift in just 12 hours and so she would come meet our baby girl in recovery. Anita was my new nurse and she did an excellent job as well. Around this time, I sent Jamie to go get some breakfast downstairs. I took this opportunity to call my Mom and update her on how I was doing. Jamie had called her initially in the middle of the night just to let them know we were at the hospital. After our quick conversation, Anita checked me again and said "Okay, well you are at a 9 and a half. It looks like you are going to have this baby soon." I called Jamie and was said..."Get back up here!"

My doctor and Jamie came in and she said "I am going to make rounds, let you labor down and come back in an hour to deliver Molly." Laboring down is where they let the baby naturally move down some into the birth canal, which saves pushing time and since I had the epidural that was fine with me. But right after she said that, I remember feeling this strong contraction and I made a weird face and let out a grunt. The doctor and Anita looked at each other and decided to give me another check, which is when the doc said "Okayyyy. So I am not going anywhere! You are ready to have this baby RIGHT NOW." She threw on her gown and they started preparing Molly's crib frantically. Before I knew it, Jamie whose plan was to remain up by my head and not see the gory show, was told to grab a leg and help me push. So much for that plan!

After 19 minutes of pushing at 8:49am on Sunday, May 24th, Molly shot out of me like a cannon and flopped out onto the table so quickly no one could catch her! It scared the crap out of Jamie. What can I say...Molly is impatient like her Momma! They placed her on my chest all bloody, beautiful and screaming. Mmmmm...what an awesome moment. Streams of tears were flowing down both our faces. It is hard to describe what a rush of love you immediately have for this new precious little life. This baby that we had longed for and prayed for was finally here safe, healthy, and beautiful. Praise God for this precious gift!!! We are so undeserving of this blessing! There are not enough words to describe the goodness of this time!

There are so many things that I am thankful for...a quick first delivery, pain meds that worked, modern medicine that made infertility treatment possible, her health, the fact that even though I did have a 2nd degree tear it could have been much much worse, an awesome husband who also is an awesome father, and most of all an awesome God that helped us to conceive this child!!

Isn't Jamie so handsome holding her? Geez I married well!

At birth Molly Joy Reynolds weighed 7 lbs even and was exactly 20" long. 

Thanks for reading everyone! 

The Nursery Tour

Alas, the nursery tour! The final details have just been finished before our little girl makes her big debut and I am so excited to share them with you here! While Jamie was busy preparing taxes this spring, I...well I was busy working my magic on this room. Three years ago when Jamie and I first looked at this house, which is a rental by the way, I remember very distinctly hoping to one day be able to turn this room into a nursery and thinking that the nook between the two closets would be a great place for a crib. It quickly became Jamie's office, musical equipment storage space, and general hoarding headquarters. I can't really blame him though, because the majority of his stuff wasn't allowed in the entertaining parts of the house, which is ALL other rooms.

Now that it is finished as baby girl's room, Jamie and I love spending time in here. We feel like it is a magical space. The lighting got replaced from a general fan light to track lighting and everything just sparkles...especially at night. It just has a soft warm glow.

Some Design Elements
The color scheme is very girly, but I also was very conscious about what items I would reuse for future children and made those items all black or gold. My philosophy has always been use paint as your accent color with pillows AND not furniture. Paint and pillows you can replace in a room for less than $100, but replacing major furniture pieces can add up to major bucks. If we ever have a boy, I would love to use rich emerald greens and golds with all of the major pieces from the room. The black and white striped drapes seem very parisian, but again could be used in a boys rooms in the future.

The crib is a Jenny Lind spindle crib in ebony that was gifted to us by my parents. I handmade the fitted gold chevron sheet for the mattress and couldn't help but place a little sparkly gold sequin pillow in there, though that will come out before she actually sleeps in there. Our plan is for her to sleep in a rock-n-play next to our bed for the first few weeks or months. The dust ruffle I handmade using really nice (and highly discounted) silk. It is also hiding boxes of diapers.

The feather artwork on either side of her crib, I drew myself and framed in (gasp) dollar store frames. Above and below the feathers are the following scriptures:

"Before I formed you in the
womb I knew you,
before you were born

I set you apart;
I appointed you
as a prophet to the nations.”
- Jeremiah 1 : 5

 “For you created
my inmost being;
you knit me together
in my mother's womb.”

-   Psalm 139 : 13

a    This room has wonderful storage for a nursery because it has two separate small closets. One will be used for her hanging clothes and the other houses lots of functional items like a diaper genie, her bouncer, her baby tub, etc.... 

I made these hanging clothing separators by size.

The rocking upholstered chair and ottoman was actually owned by my Grandma Jean and I had it reupholstered in a black herringbone velvet. Not only is it soft and cozy to sit in, but I figured black is gender neutral for all future babies AND if God forbid one of the kids ever gets a hole of markers and goes crazy, you won't see a thing.

Next to the chair is a gold bar cart. I know at first this may seem a bit impractical..."a bar cart for a baby? Really?"...but I figured this would be an item that could become like a mobile station for books, craft items, and toys. Down the road, I would love to move this piece into the living room or perhaps use it for occasional outside entertaining. For now it has a large black and white basket full of baby blankets and a bin for all of the amazing books that I was gifted with from my showers. Next to it is an adorable black and white rocking horse, which was given to us from my sister-in-law, Amy.

The IKEA dresser was a hand me down gift from my parents and I replaced the knobs in a gold to match the room. All of baby girls clothes are washed and organized by size in various drawers (newborn, 0-3, 3-6, etc...). I also have drawers dedicated for diapers, swaddlers, hair bows and hats, and much more.

The shelves over the dresser are simply inexpensive black shelves from Home Depot with a mix of gold, black and white accents. The pink rattan box houses all kinds of necessary baby items like diapers, diaper creams, wipes, etc...One of my favorite pieces is a graphic print I made that says "You Are Our Greatest Adventure" over a black and white image from my maternity photoshoot. 

Apothecary jars filled with clear baby pacifiers and baby grooming items rest on a gold lacquered tray.

The little piece of artwork was actually cut out of a card given to me by Stacy Wareham.

So...now we wait for her arrival! We feel so blessed to have such a magical space to bring her home to! We would love continued prayers for a healthy and safe arrival of Baby Girl Reynolds. I am 37 weeks pregnant, so now it is just a waiting game...though I have a feeling she is stubborn like her mom and probably will wait till the last minute! Thanks again for all your love, prayers, and support!

Mother's Day & Jumbled Emotions

Let me just start by saying this Mother's Day 2015 I have so much to be thankful for. In particular, I am extremely blessed to have a healthy pregnancy and be preparing for the arrival of our first daughter, due June 2nd. Yet, I have to be honest that this year I am having a lot of mixed emotions about this day.

Last year, I remember waking up, thinking I would be fine, going to church, and barely making it through the door before my heart felt like it was going to burst into a million pieces. After crying on a few friends shoulders, I put my sunglasses on and sat in the back row of the sanctuary. People were saying the sweetest things to me, knowing that it was a hard day, but it just made it harder for me to keep it together. At that point, I was pretty embarrassed because I IN NO WAY wanted my own struggle to take away from Moms who really needed and deserved to be honored. 10 minutes into service, I snuck out. I went home, set up my hammock in the yard, listened to music, prayed, cried, and made myself a safe zone where I could just acknowledge the heartache of infertility.

This year's Mother's Day is met by a different heartache for me, in that it lines up with my 36th week of pregnancy, which would have been the twins birthday. 36 weeks of pregnancy is considered full-term for mothers carrying twins. So in many ways, this day feels more like a remembrance of the miscarriage of Riley than a celebration of the life growing inside of me. I have had so many people tell us that we should really celebrate this first mother's day together, but something about that just doesn't sit right with me given our circumstances. In lots of ways, I feel more like a mom to Riley than I do to the baby girl I have not yet birthed into this world. Believe me I know that is strange. I also wonder about mom's who have children on this earth, but experienced a loss of a child or a miscarriage this year...does Mother's Day feel like a harder day to celebrate? Many mother's have never experienced a loss of a child, but have lost their own mom's and I am sure that is quite conflicting as well.

I don't want my first Mother's day to be filled with sadness. Soooooooo I am proclaiming that next year is going to be my First (celebrated) Mother's Day.

On a much lighter note...Can I also just tease about HOW NOT FAIR it is that just a few days or weeks after I go through hours and maybe days of labor, birth a human out of my lady parts, and am in the throws of major bodily recuperation ...probably wearing pads that, let's be honest, might as well be adult diapers that Jamie...yes Jamie... gets to celebrate HIS First Father's Day. Seriously? That is a joke right? I know that sounds selfish, but I am a little bitter. Thankfully, we laugh about it together and I think he recognizes the injustice of the situation. This is also why I told him that he better really plan something special for me next year! Being a planner, I will say that I did go ahead and buy all his Father's Day gifts in advance. A little something sentimental with a few things really practical that he needs.

Thanks for reading! Thanks for listening! Thanks for supporting us through some of the hard stuff, but also celebrating with us as we prepare for this new bundle of joy coming very soon!

The Babymoon

"Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages. Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom--there I will give you my love." 

-Song of Songs 7:11-12

What is a "babymoon" you ask? A "babymoon" is a honeymoon-like vacation that you take before the baby comes. It gives couples a last minute chance to reconnect and spend quality time together before their lives become all about recovering from labor, poopy diapers, and sleepless nights. I love how The Bible does not ignore the fact that couples need time to connect with each other and occasionally have a vacation!

Well Jamie and I had the privilege of taking a babymoon together these past few days and man was it relaxing. When we looked into where we should get away to, originally I wanted to go to Charleston or Savannah, BUT those are cities where you almost have to walk everywhere (more like pregnant waddle) AND if it rains there is not a whole lot to do. Being that we were going to go in April (one of the rainiest months of the year) we needed a place where we could do a lot of things indoors if the weather wasn't great and where we could drive everywhere. Hmmmm.....

So we came up with the idea to go to Pigeon Forge/Gaitlinburg area in the Tennessee mountains. Everyone who has ever been knows that it is very...hmmmm...cheesy, BUT it is lots of fun! We went to the Ripley's Believe It Or Not Aquarium, the Hatfield and the McCoy's dinner feud show, saw a romantic movie, did some light shopping at the Tanger Outlets, went on the huge 200' high Smokey Mountain Ferris Wheel to see beautiful mountain views, ate a bunch of good barbeque (including some of the most amazing bbq nachos with queso...heck yes!), and swam in the heated indoor pool at the hotel to our hearts content. It did rain a lot, so I was glad that we choose the location we did.

Our energy levels were pretty well matched because Jamie was recuperating from tax season, which ended the day before we left, and I ...well I am 8 months pregnant where the saying "feeling tired" is an understatement. The first morning on our vacation, we woke up late, got breakfast downstairs, went swimming, and THEN decided we wanted to nap for a while. Normally, Jamie loves to nap and I am anxious to go see everything, but this trip we really balanced laying around and not pushing ourselves too hard with a couple of really fun outings.

Below Are Some of My Favorite Pics from the Trip

Hatfield's & McCoy's Dinner Show

Just trying this thing out for when Baby Girl Reynolds starts dating!!

The Aquarium

 We teased that this large very slow moving fish was Jamie's "spirit animal". 

 How cute is this photo? Apparently, both the penguins and The Reynolds are expecting!!

The Smokey Mountain Ferris Wheel

Views from 200' above the city looking at the mountains!