At our anatomy ultrasound, I was amazed at all that is going on inside with our baby girl. There is a brain with 2 hemispheres and all the individual parts, a spine, 10 fingers and 10 toes, femur bones for each leg, and I could go on and on. I am reminded of Psalm 139:13.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."
Some cute photos of Baby Girl Reynolds from our 16 week ultrasound.
It is really cool to think that you and I were both formed in our mother's wombs. The human body is fascinating, detailed, delicate, and, yet, so resilient. You and I both started out as an embryo...smaller than a fleck of dust...naked to the human eye. It is astonishing to imagine that my daughter now has ovaries with 7 million eggs! Half of the DNA of ALL of the grandchildren she will EVER have are nestled inside of my womb. Life is so precious and God in His goodness created every single step of this amazing process! Knowing that this is taking place within...all I can ask is why me?
There were many days when I wept because I did not know if this gift would ever be bestowed to me. A few weeks ago, I went to the store to buy prenatal vitamins and as funny as this sounds, it was quite emotional for me. You see I had bought prenatal vitamins for years, hoping that one day I would receive a miracle. Though my obgyn was insistent that I stay on them, buying prenatal vitamins became painful for me because the more bottles I bought over the years, the more sad I became that I was not yet pregnant. It seemed like a waste of money and, more importantly, it was an unwanted reminder that I was infertile. Last year, I bought a huge bottle and prayed "God...please, please, please make the next bottle of prenatal vitamins I purchase be while I am pregnant." So you can see that when I purchased them recently, I was reminded of my answer to prayer. With a smile on my face, brushing tears away in the middle of the family planning aisle at Walgreens I was in thankful awe.
"The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, you call forth songs of joy." - Psalm 65:8Songs of joy He is surely due. Yet, I am also flooded with reminders that though my prayer for a pregnancy has been answered, there are many women still praying similar prayers. I am broken hearted over those I know who are still struggling with infertility or the ability to bring children into this world. Often I think, "Weren't they next God? They have more years of trying under their belt than we did or have had more heart wrenching pain with child loss. I am thankful, but I also don't get it." For those of you still in the struggle, my prayer is that you will have mentors through this who really see you and that God answers these deep desires for children.
The truth is I don't know or understand why. But I am assured of one thing...His goodness is just as good on the day we get our answer to prayer and just as good on our most beautifully triumphant days as it is on the days we are in painful prayer. As I am caught between an astounding answer to prayer for pregnancy and anxious prayers for the healthy arrival of this child in our arms, I need to be reminded of this myself .
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." - James 1:17
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever." - Hebrews 13:8
