Waiting for the Ball to Drop...A look back at 2014 and preparing for 2015

Year 2014...man do I feel blessed to have experienced you!! I can't help but think back over the past year and just be in awe of all that has happened. Some of you may remember my blog from February of this year, where I talked about all of the struggles that Jamie and I experienced in 2013. Here is a look back from that blog...

"I am not going to sugar coat it, 2013 was an extremely difficult year for Jamie and I. There were times where we both wished that we could have laid our head down and slept through it. Infertility, struggles with our weight, job loss, unemployment, and months with great financial uncertainty, could basically summarize the year we went through. Every month made us feel more and more raw and exposed. Sometimes the only thing I could muster to pray was "Lord have mercy on us." ...When the ball dropped on New Year's Eve, Jamie and I kissed, wished 2013 good riddance, and agreed that 2014 was going to be our year of hope...So goodbye 2013...I did my best to learn from the path God had us walk through on this really sucky year and I am holding onto hope that 2014 will be our year or at the very least one year closer to Jamie and I growing our family and having the children we so desperately want. Greetings 2014! Howdy! Good to see ya! Let's do this!"

The sadness of 2013 really made 2014 so much sweeter!! Here I sit writing this at 18 weeks pregnant (in my 5th month) and with every little baby kick, I cannot help but feel this immense joy. In total, our baby is 5" long, the size of a sweet potato, and now has a complete set of unique fingerprints. How miraculous!!! As Jamie and I were driving to Christmas Eve service, I began crying because I just could not believe that (A) we were blessed to be able to pursue IVF this year, (B) that we got pregnant and still were pregnant, (C) we both had good jobs in our field (sometimes a few too many jobs), and (D) that many of our prayers were being answered.

2014 was also the year that we sent our first child (Riley) to heaven and though that was one of the hardest parts of this year, I do feel blessed to know that Riley will never have to deal with the pain of this world and that we have a Savior who is taking better care of him or her than Jamie and I ever could.

My hopes and prayers for 2015 are ones for a healthy child to join our family in May or June. To be quite honest, I am literally petrified of all that could go wrong and counting down the days till I am 24 weeks pregnant, which is the point in a pregnancy where a child could survive if born early. Before every ultrasound, I get extremely nervous. The night before we went in for a 16 week ultrasound to find out the gender, I was crying hysterically because I hadn't felt the baby move in a week and at that point all I wanted to hear was a heartbeat. Thankfully, everything looked good, but I am still very nervous about my anatomy ultrasound coming up in early January. Sometimes I feel like I am waiting for the ball to drop and not the one in Times Square. I guess this means that I am becoming like any normal mother...overprotective and worried about everything! Truthfully, I know that I need to cast all my fears and anxieties on Him, but I am really struggling to do that.

My other prayer for 2015 is that Jamie could get into a place where he has a better work-life balance. Him having a full-time job in accounting and a part-time job in land survey drafting at night has been an amazing blessing financially, but it leaves us with very little time to spend together. Thankfully, he will be greatly cutting back his hours at his part-time job, but he is also gearing up for another tax season ....hence me becoming what they call in the accounting industry as a "tax widow". So all that to say I am looking forward to the end of April when we plan to take a babymoon (a 2nd honeymoon-type trip before the baby comes).

Sooo many people have been so kind in asking how I am feeling...well... I am usually feeling great! Exhausted....but great! The nausea has mostly gone away! THOUGH I will say the food aversions are as bad as they have ever been and smells of meat and garlic still make me lose my cookies. The other day I bought Jamie a can of chicken noodle soup because he was sick, but when he opened it in the kitchen it sent me into a vomiting spell. Also a few weeks ago, I told Jamie to bring home Boston Market, because I knew that I needed some protein, but the smell of that even coming into the house make me violently sick for several hours. So there was poor Jamie eating the Boston Market chicken out under the freezing cold carport...poor guy!!! When we went to go see my family for Christmas, they were gracious enough to have a meat-free house. BUT as long as I stay far away from meat and cooking meat, I feel good. Pregnancy is so crazy! I am still getting frequent migraines, but that is just normal for me and I deal with them the best that I can.

My body is really starting to change and even though I still haven't gained any weight according to the scale, my bump is definitely growing. In the middle of the night if I switch from sleeping on one side to another I can feel the baby tumbling around to settle on the other side. So cool! The miracle of children just amazes me more and more everyday!

Stay tuned for an upcoming announcement on the baby's gender! We can't wait to share!!!

14 Week Update + The Big Reveal to Jamie

So today, I am 14 weeks preggo and I am officially starting my second trimester! Man that feels crazy to say! The past few weeks have included some hard days, but every day it seems like the painful heartbreak of losing baby Riley is getting more and more healed. However, I know the pain will never completely fade away and, truthfully, I don't think I ever want it to. Riley will always have a piece of my heart and I long for the day when I get to meet him or her in heaven.

For several weeks, I struggled with pretty bad nausea and migraines. I remember hearing women complain about their first trimester and I would think "What? Don't you know how crazy blessed you are to even be pregnant? I wish I was pregnant and feeling all of those things." I swear God has a sense of humor because I think his response was "Don't worry I will make sure you get to experience ALL of those things too." Thinking about this really makes me chuckle. One night I had an exorcist moment in the living room...you know where her head spins around then and she projectile vomits...Sorry too much info? Thankfully, Jamie woke up and took good care of me. Another night I just was so sick and I spent several hours sitting in an empty bathtub because I was so afraid that I wasn't going to make it to the bathroom to throw up. My gag reflex would go into overdrive at the weirdest moments...like eating peanut M&Ms....seriously? Peanut M&Ms are yummy! Or I would take a bite of something simple like a cracker or a banana, chew, and think..."can I swallow this?" In total, I ended up losing a couple of pounds during my first trimester, but I feel pretty sure I will be able to make up for this later.

The great news is that as I am bringing my first trimester to a close and the nausea is beginning to fade away. Though, I will say the food aversions are still really really bad. I feel like a picky little 3 year old eater. I am ecstatic that in my 12th week I got to feel some of the first movements of the baby. The first time felt like I got lightly tasered from inside my uterus 3 times quickly in a row, which some women and doctors say happens when the baby is kicking against either a nerve or the cervix. The second time it happened, it felt more like the normal flutters that most women get. I was really appreciative to get to experience these moments so early, especially since I really have a deep desire to bond with this sweet growing life in spite of the rocky start I have had to this pregnancy.

Jamie and I are hoping we can find out the sex of the baby right before we go up to visit my parents for Christmas. We have an appointment at Tiny Toes, a non-medical ultrasound office, where you can find out the sex of the baby a little earlier than waiting for the 20 week anatomy ultrasound. We will then do a fun gender reveal gift for my parents.

Speaking of reveals...I really want to share how I revealed to Jamie that we were pregnant.  As some of you might recall from my previous posts, I found out late on a Thursday night in September that we were pregnant from an at home test. I just so happened to have the entire next day off to plan a grand reveal for Jamie, so after Jamie left for work on Friday, I ran over to a close friends (Emily Trader's) house to tell her the news and my grand scheme. I wanted Jamie to come home to a beautiful picnic set out in the yard and to give him a wrapped up box with a onsie in it. Back in April, I had this onsie custom printed by Circle Press Design, which is owned by my brother Matt and his friend Kyle in Richmond. Shameless plug for them..you can check them out here on Facebook or here on their website. Anywhooo...I had this onsie made back in April with the hope that one day I could give it to Jamie as a way to reveal we were either expecting or were selected to adopt a child. After hiding it in the closet for months, I was so glad that today was the day I could wrap it up and give it to him.

I know the positive line is really hard to see in the photo, but believe me it is there (and it continued to get darker every day).

After much running around, here are some pictures of the picnic that Jamie came home to ...complete with sparkling grape juice and white hydrangeas of course.

Jamie was so shocked and didn't suspect anything even after he saw the picnic all set up. He thought I was just being sweet. I had fibbed to him about when our blood test was, so he thought we still had at least another week until we would find out. I lied and told him the gift was because of all of his help with the Chic Chateau Showhouse and he actually believed me. His expression of pure shock when he found out we were pregnant....(tear)...so awesome. I have dreamed and hoped for that very moment for years and it was finally coming true. After that we both hugged and cried for a while. We kept looking at each other as we ate dinner and would just say over and over again "I can't believe we're pregnant."

We knew that we wanted to surprise my parents, so we drove the 5 hour trip to DC the following weekend, without telling them we were coming, and showed up on their doorstep. That was a fun weekend to tell them and celebrate our big news!

On Monday, September 22nd, I walked into my blood test at my fertility practice with the biggest smile. I saw the doc and he said "how are you?" to which I replied "I am GREAT! (sounding like Tony the Tiger). After he walked by again, I grabbed him and told him we were pregnant. He said "I thought you were, but I didn't want to pry. Of all the couples, we were almost positive that you were going to get pregnant this month." My blood test confirmed what we already knew, which was that we were indeed pregnant.

Below is one of our cute ultrasound photos from our 13 week appointment. Baby Reynolds is waving hello to all of you! Till next time....