Using Times Of Waiting and Suffering To Be Productive and Trusting in The Lord

A lot has happened since my last few postings. Late August, September, and early October were especially difficult to get through knowing that our future of when we were going to be able to move forward with our infertility battle relied very heavily on Jamie finding a full-time permanent position. Slowly throughout the past several months we have been forced to face the reality that our dreams of pursuing children is not financially feasible right now. Jamie was able to secure a tax position for this spring, which we are so thankful for. However, it is temporary and that part does mean that our plans to move forward with our infertility journey is seriously on hold...maybe even for a year or more. So a lot of the reason I have not written lately is because being hopeful right now is too painful and thinking or writing about waiting another year to even move forward with the next step is extremely hard. With all that said, I am learning a lot during this period of waiting and would love to take this opportunity to share some of that with you!

Productivity 
The first thing that I am learning (and even as I write this is still sinking in) is that waiting is not just about painfully sitting down and watching time go by. God wants me to use this period of waiting to be be useful, fruitful, and productive. Daily I am taking steps to grow my business and be a great wife to the my husband. This is biblically based on Proverbs 31 verses 10-31.

Proverbs 31: 10-31 
Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. 11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. 15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. 16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. 18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. 20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. 26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. 27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praiseat the city gate. 

This verse applies to me a lot as I seek to grow my business and make profitable decisions and investments. I have to admit that I love this verse also, because it is empowering to women. It also means that I don't have to sit in a corner and cry for the next year in anguish. I can rejoice, pursue clients, and get busy using that time with the talents God has given me.

Suffering
The other thing that I am learning through this is that I should be joyful during my period of suffering. I know this sounds like a crazy pill to swallow and I by no means have fully digested this. I am just now starting to semi-accept and semi-understand this. In Acts Chapter 5 verses 40 and 41 the Apostles were persecuted for preaching the good news of Jesus and were whipped. After being whipped they left "rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name." Every time I read this, I just think ....SAY WHAAA??? If someone beat me or purposefully made me suffer, my first instinct is not to run around singing and dancing with joy. Yet, this is what we are called to do in the verse below.   

James 1:2-4
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Have you ever seen what you think is the perfect family? They have a sweet spirit, a husband and wife who love each other, kids who seem happy, are financially doing okay, and own their own home? Well, I have and my first thought is "man God really loves them and must be blessing the living crap out of them because they are so much less sinful than I am." This is a lie that I am slowly dismantling in my life. The truth is the Apostles suffered greatly for their belief in Christ. Their suffering was not a punishment for things they did in college...opps I mean in their past. 

Trust

Several weeks ago when Jamie was in a job interview, I was driving in the car and my prayer was not that Jamie would get the job, but rather that God's will would be done. I actually recall saying "God you know Jamie's personality and the personality of the people who work for this company. I completely trust you to open or close this door based on what you think is best for Jamie." God ended up closing the door, but I still trust that it was for the best. Through everything I am learning to trust God in this journey of waiting. 

My goal for the next year or so of waiting is to use this time of waiting wisely and to be productive with it. Also, to try and wrap my head around this idea of suffering joyfully for the Lord and trusting in his perfect timing.