Ready To Press The Play Button

A little catch up on where we have been and a hope of where we are going...Jamie and I knew early on that we were going to have male-factor fertility issues, but we never would have foreseen that I was going to contribute to our struggles too. After trying for a while, my obgyn decided to run some tests on me. It was last July when we learned that I do not ovulate. At first it was crushing, but now I am almost at peace with it because it means that the whole weight of our infertility struggles doesn't just rest on Jamie. Strangely and because of God's goodness He has used this to bring us closer together.

For the next 8 months, we were both prescribed all kinds of drugs and vitamins to see if any of those would be the ticket. This past March, Jamie and I underwent an IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) procedure. For those of you who are lucky enough to not know what this is, feel free to learn a little bit more about it here. The average cost for the procedure is about $600 to $700 a month with fertility medications. We were sad to learn that it was not God's time for us to get pregnant and that the IUI was unsuccessful. Shortly after that, I lost my job due to budget cuts. Jamie and I then decided to put our family growth plans on hold for a little while until we felt more financially stable with jobs and insurance. That really has been kind of hard because every month that goes by, though technically we are still trying, is basically being wasted in waiting mode. Some might say..."well you never know"....and while I do believe God can work miracles, our realistic chance of getting pregnant without fertility drugs and treatment is pretty close to 0%.

We are now getting into a period of time where we have been saving for the past year and are hoping that this fall, and potentially even in the next few weeks, God will open up a door for Jamie to work as an accountant so that we can feel stable enough to move forward with getting more treatments. During this time God has also really surprised Jamie and I with extra income from my business, which has been another great way to save for our family.

With our hope that Jamie will soon have his days full working, we felt like it was smart to meet with a new specialist while he has a more flexible schedule during the day. So this week Jamie and I had an appointment with the local fertility doctor to discuss options and come up with a plan. Previously, we were seeing my ob/gyn who also does some infertility treatments, but is not a true infertility specialist. Our prayer the night before our appointment this week was "God we know You are the only one who can create life. We put our trust only in You and, yet, we hope You can use this doctor's hands to help You do your work."

The next day after checking in for our appointment, we were brought in the back to a second waiting area where there are two chairs placed in front of what some call "the baby board." Even as I write it, I hear The Wizard of Oz voice saying it ...THE BABY BOARD. The baby board is two huge bulletin boards covered in pictures of babies that this doctor helped couples conceive. Though we kind of knew it was an emotional ploy, we were fine with it! Jamie and I could have sat in those chairs all day! The best part of the baby board....seeing pictures of twins!!! Almost half of the pictures seemed like they were of multiples. Some people get freaked out by seeing all of the twins, but for Jamie and I that would be a dream come true. Every time a doctor has ever explained to us the "risk" of multiples, we have always said "Yes. Please". Well now we are just getting greedy huh?

The meeting with the doctor went great and we think we have formed a great "plan of action" so to speak for the next several months on how we are going to move forward. More to come on that later! For now all I can say is that we are feeling really hopeful. The financial aspect of infertility can be really stressful, so I am hoping for peace in that area specifically. Right now I feel like a little kid who has his hand hovering over the play button excited for what will come next.

Hide It Under A Bushel - NO! I'm Gonna Let It Shine!

In October 2009, I married the most loving husband a girl could ask for. For those of you that don't know Jamie and I met on match.com and immediately fell in love. After being an on-line dater for over 7 years and kissing a lot of frogs, I finally found the man God had set aside for me. We were engaged within 3 months of our first date and married 5 months after that. All I can say is when you know...you know! One of the things that I immediately liked about Jamie was his love for children and our matched desired to start a family.

Jamie and I have been struggling with infertility for several years, but this past year and a half has really been the hardest for us. About this time last year, I was in church while my mind was wondering off from the sermon and onto our infertility struggles...opps. However, I distinctly felt like the Lord started speaking to me and telling me that we shouldn't keep our story a secret. He assured me that by being open with people about our journey, though hard, in the end would bring glory to him. Quickly after that Jamie and I opened up to members of our small group and went to the elders for prayer. Our pastor immediately put me in touch with women who had gone through the same struggles and I cannot put into words how blessed I have been by the relationships with these women. 

By three separate women in the church I have been told that in this day and age there are so many options both medically and with regards to adoption, that "...you will be a mother. It is just a matter of when and how God wants to create your family." This has been the most comforting thing ever said to Jamie and I and the funny thing is I believe this is biblically based. This brings me to Psalm 113 verse 9

"He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord." 

As an early 20-something right out of college, this verse really had an effect on me as I watched a good friend, Michelle, struggle with infertility. At the time I was stupid, naive, and said everything that you aren't suppose to say to a women struggling with infertility. I remember one time sending her an e-mail just apologizing for all of the stupid things that I said and just letting her know that even though everything that was coming out of my mouth was the wrong thing to say, I did have a heart for her. One day after I moved away from the Charlotte area, I got a phone call from a friend of hers that she was pregnant. I literally dropped the phone, wept on the floor, and praised God for his goodness. Michelle is now "a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord." Three children to be exact!

Hearing stories of infertility reminds me that it is important as believers to share our struggles so that the journey he leads us on can bring glory to Him.